Single people, who want partners in Vancouver, face a dilemma: where do you go to find the possibility for love? We have pubs and raves, meet and greets, wine and cheese receptions for work, downtown lunch dating services, and adventure clubs with a twist for romance. Still, with almost half of the Canadian adult population reported as single, how can it be difficult to meet a potential partner?
For those interested in meeting other singles, Vancouver does offer several options. Known for being a healthy city with an environment conducive for outdoor sports and recreation, you can always find something to do. In fact, it’s not that difficult to find people willing to do it with you if you join a hiking or other activity club or even hook up via a Meet Up or community event.
We don’t have a problem with the number of singles available, or the potential to meet them, we have a problem with our attractor factor.
Canadian singles don’t need more boob jobs or hair rejuvenation treatments to find someone to love them. The problem is the insidious mindset. Canadians, believing it is better not to assert oneself too much, seek, wish for and weep for love. Online dating, the singles evening pastime has gifted men and women sitting at a computer screen waiting for someone to look at an outdated photo and pick them for love.
Attraction starts from within
Attraction is powerful internal combustion. It is dynamically generated through personal growth, challenge, courage, contentment and joy. Attraction starts with the individual knowing inside them that they bring something to life; that their presence in this world makes a difference, and that others want to enjoy what they bring to the table.
Rather than sitting in front of the computer waiting for a “message” signal from an online dating site, the attractor single is doing, learning, relaxing but enjoying themselves which in turn sends out a beacon message – “I love life, myself and others. I am able to give and receive love.” Men and women suited to that invisible “morse code” type communication are attracted, and the rest simply unfolds.
Attractor factor singles may visit the same restaurants, bars, libraries or community theater as the desperately seeking singles, but come away with new friends and possible partners lining up to see them again. The magnet is active, and one whole and happy person is allowed to magnetize to themselves others who feel likewise.
Attraction verses endless dating
When a person knows and enjoys their own company, the endless dating rituals become obsolete. These singles are no longer seeking to be entertained, or prevented from loneliness; they can do that for themselves. Instead they greet the world with a inside knowing and comfort level that makes building successful relationships possible.
Dreaming and thinking about our goals, and especially writing them down is always good thing to do. It moves us forward. It’s a FIRST step towards achieving those goals.
But unfortunately, very often this first step turns out to be the last one. Why?
Look at the top goals of your list. Are those goals the most important to you, and the most desirable ones? If so, are they also the most delayed ones?
Time is not on our side, because, the stronger the desire for change, the stronger the resistance and procrastination to achieve them. And often we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves.
We fail if we don’t make other changes first, like improving our skills in achieving goals, overcoming procrastination and time management. These might be the patterns that hold us back.
Breaking down the list of BIG GOALS into small achievable steps will help you to achieve those goals. As a result you won`t be overwhelmed with a “big task” but you will organize your thoughts and simplify your life. This works even if you set your goals beyond one year.
Below is a sample of a Life Goals Declaration. Write your future goals in the present tense as if you already achieved them. It’s very important to have and accomplishment date set for holding yourself accountable.
You are welcome to share your own tips and ideas below in the comments area.
Put smile on your face
So there’s nothing like a smile to create a good first impression. We usually don’t give much thought to smiles but people who smile are instantly considered friendly and approachable. Smile, and you will get a positive reaction. People would perceive you as open, easy to be with and able to listen individual.
A warm and confident smile will put both you and the other person at ease. It can even help you to hide incompetence and uncertainty. If you are stressed or are trying to deal with some inner crisis, a smile creates an instant change in our attitude.
Smile even when you talk on the phone. People sense it. You can calm down even an upset client when you smile talking to them on the phone.
Make eye contact
Either talking or listening, have eye contact with a person. But try not to stare, slowly break eye-contact from time to time.
Keep your body language open
Uncross everything. Turn towards the people you’re talking to. Your posture should reveal that you have positive attitude towards life, that you are confident and in control of your life. Sometimes it’s hard to maintain the positive attitude if you are nervous or in case of criticism. Learn to face it with dignity and calmness. Try to maintain an upbeat manner and a smile. It will be easier in time if you analyze and learn from your meetings.
Another trick is to match the mood of person you are talking to, at least in the beginning of a conversation. Then – when you both developed an emotional connection you can change a direction to more positive channel.
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Words are not that important
When it comes to making the first impression, our body speaks much louder than our words. It doesn’t really matter what we say during a conversation. The words form only 7 percent of your communication. The rest 93 percent are in our body language, tone of voice and our appearance.
If you are late, you are late. There are no ‘good’ excuses. This is when a first impression starts to be formed. Rarely are there are significant reasons for running late. Usually it’s traffic, or a bad time management. We all know that. Respect other’s people time. They might have a tight schedule and almost broke their neck to be in time.
Your physical appearance matters
We like to say that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but we always do. The truth is that no matter how kind, caring, loving person you are – nobody knows that yet! Your presentation begins to tell your story.
You don’t have to have look like James Bond or Julia Roberts (I am sure look different in a daily life anyways). But you have to look YOUR best. Study up on image & style, update your hair style and wardrobe. Help others want to open the book and learn more about you.
Make a routine: visit your hairstylist, keep a small mirror and a matching lipstick for women, clean and repair your shoes, check your wardrobe – are buttons missing, do you need alterations. Do you need your shirts ironed?
How about your teeth? Did you know that good teeth are in the top “must haves” of people’s checklist when they date? Sell your car, sell your soul, but keep your teeth looking great!
Your clothing communicates
Dress appropriately for an event. You can always find attire that will work for any occasion. Classics are a great choice when you are unsure. An image consultant can help you to find appropriate clothing for every occasion you have in your life, based on your age, body shape and personal preferences.
You don’t need to have the most expensive wardrobe but, your appearance should be clean and tidy. Sloppiness and messiness turns people off.
This is Part #2 of “8 Tips for Making a Great Impression” Read Part #1
8 Tips for Making a Great Impression
You are making a first impression on people every day. Even those who see us on a daily basis are forming opinions about our intelligence, expertise and character, based on how we look. Rightly or not, you telegraph who you are by how you present yourself.
The pace of our modern society delivers so many messages each minute that we rely on quick, sometimes instant, judgments. It may seem shallow, or even cruel, but human beings rely on instinct to guide their primal decisions. How you look is a catalyst to the proverbial “you never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
What’s Your Radar saying?
The shoe fits on almost every foot. It’s not just others making snap judgments about you; you are quickly gathering information the first time you meet someone. You look for their gender, age, nationality and social status. You can recognize a confident person by straight posture, strong walk and open look. Each of us uses our sixth sense to determine if the newcomer is trustworthy, a leader or follower, educated or street smart.
How to get noticed?
It’s important to make a good first impression in many areas of our life – job interviews, social networking meetings, a first date, or meeting with a client.
We are attracted to people who radiate happiness and success and avoid those who are insecure in their behavior. A friendly smile, assured confidence, and stylish attire goes a long way. If people trust you they want to continue business with you.
Do you offer people you meet an honest impression of your strengths and abilities? Do they have a chance to see your potential, your experience, and your inner stamina? Or do you portray a person who is just to tired to care, to lazy to work at anything, to jaded to give a damn.
What makes a first impression?
A first impression is made up from 3 types of communication
• verbal (what you are saying)
• audio (how you are talking)
• and visual (how you look).
All these communication channels need integrity and congruity. People see you, no matter how hard you try to present a different picture. Have the courage to allow what’s in you, to be clearly seen.
Although a wise human being will give you an open slate on the second and third encounter, few humans possess expansive wisdom. The first impression is nearly impossible to change, making a first encounter a certain impact. We have only a minute to make an impression but it will affect our relationship for years to come.
What watch for to get the first impression right
1. Your voice
Record yourself to get an idea about your voice. Imagine yourself in different situations – a conversation with your friends, giving a speech, talking to a client or on a steamy date. Do you like the timbre and flow of your voice? Can you hear the pace and rhythm of your speech? It’s easy to change with just a bit of effort and discipline.
You can improve your voice by singing scales, or your favorite songs. You might want to give it a try in the shower – it sounds so much better and usually improves your mood! You can do the ‘tarzan’ exercise – tap yourself to the chest and shout AAAAA. It helps to get rid of squeaky notes and makes your voice strong and confident.
2. Work the Mirror.
People who stand tall, smile brightly, make eye contact and greet us with a firm handshake project confidence and encourage others to feel at ease.
Confidence helps us to initiate or participate in a conversation. Of course, confidence comes from the inside out, and you can’t fake it. But you can use body language to trigger a more confident you.
You can ‘make’ yourself be confident. Go to the mirror and practice:
– Good posture, don’t slouch, sit or stand up straight, feel your body stretch from your feet to the crown of your head. Be present. Be sure. Be yourself.
– Open your body language – uncross everything – your arms and legs.
– Smile – even if it feels fake – do it until you feel alive.
– Make eye to eye contact – show others you care about them, that you are interested in what they have to say and who they are.
Mirror, mirror on the wall: practice looking at yourself. Don’t shy away. Look deeply in your own eyes. Practice smiling. Find a look that feels right to you, and practice a few minutes a day in front of the mirror, until you present that look quite naturally.
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