Put smile on your face
So there’s nothing like a smile to create a good first impression. We usually don’t give much thought to smiles but people who smile are instantly considered friendly and approachable. Smile, and you will get a positive reaction. People would perceive you as open, easy to be with and able to listen individual.
A warm and confident smile will put both you and the other person at ease. It can even help you to hide incompetence and uncertainty. If you are stressed or are trying to deal with some inner crisis, a smile creates an instant change in our attitude.
Smile even when you talk on the phone. People sense it. You can calm down even an upset client when you smile talking to them on the phone.
Make eye contact
Either talking or listening, have eye contact with a person. But try not to stare, slowly break eye-contact from time to time.
Keep your body language open
Uncross everything. Turn towards the people you’re talking to. Your posture should reveal that you have positive attitude towards life, that you are confident and in control of your life. Sometimes it’s hard to maintain the positive attitude if you are nervous or in case of criticism. Learn to face it with dignity and calmness. Try to maintain an upbeat manner and a smile. It will be easier in time if you analyze and learn from your meetings.
Another trick is to match the mood of person you are talking to, at least in the beginning of a conversation. Then – when you both developed an emotional connection you can change a direction to more positive channel.
This is Part #2 of “8 Tips for Making a Great Impression” Read Part #1
8 Tips for Making a Great Impression
You are making a first impression on people every day. Even those who see us on a daily basis are forming opinions about our intelligence, expertise and character, based on how we look. Rightly or not, you telegraph who you are by how you present yourself.
The pace of our modern society delivers so many messages each minute that we rely on quick, sometimes instant, judgments. It may seem shallow, or even cruel, but human beings rely on instinct to guide their primal decisions. How you look is a catalyst to the proverbial “you never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
What’s Your Radar saying?
The shoe fits on almost every foot. It’s not just others making snap judgments about you; you are quickly gathering information the first time you meet someone. You look for their gender, age, nationality and social status. You can recognize a confident person by straight posture, strong walk and open look. Each of us uses our sixth sense to determine if the newcomer is trustworthy, a leader or follower, educated or street smart.
How to get noticed?
It’s important to make a good first impression in many areas of our life – job interviews, social networking meetings, a first date, or meeting with a client.
We are attracted to people who radiate happiness and success and avoid those who are insecure in their behavior. A friendly smile, assured confidence, and stylish attire goes a long way. If people trust you they want to continue business with you.
Do you offer people you meet an honest impression of your strengths and abilities? Do they have a chance to see your potential, your experience, and your inner stamina? Or do you portray a person who is just to tired to care, to lazy to work at anything, to jaded to give a damn.
What makes a first impression?
A first impression is made up from 3 types of communication
• verbal (what you are saying)
• audio (how you are talking)
• and visual (how you look).
All these communication channels need integrity and congruity. People see you, no matter how hard you try to present a different picture. Have the courage to allow what’s in you, to be clearly seen.
Although a wise human being will give you an open slate on the second and third encounter, few humans possess expansive wisdom. The first impression is nearly impossible to change, making a first encounter a certain impact. We have only a minute to make an impression but it will affect our relationship for years to come.
What watch for to get the first impression right
1. Your voice
Record yourself to get an idea about your voice. Imagine yourself in different situations – a conversation with your friends, giving a speech, talking to a client or on a steamy date. Do you like the timbre and flow of your voice? Can you hear the pace and rhythm of your speech? It’s easy to change with just a bit of effort and discipline.
You can improve your voice by singing scales, or your favorite songs. You might want to give it a try in the shower – it sounds so much better and usually improves your mood! You can do the ‘tarzan’ exercise – tap yourself to the chest and shout AAAAA. It helps to get rid of squeaky notes and makes your voice strong and confident.
2. Work the Mirror.
People who stand tall, smile brightly, make eye contact and greet us with a firm handshake project confidence and encourage others to feel at ease.
Confidence helps us to initiate or participate in a conversation. Of course, confidence comes from the inside out, and you can’t fake it. But you can use body language to trigger a more confident you.
You can ‘make’ yourself be confident. Go to the mirror and practice:
- Good posture, don’t slouch, sit or stand up straight, feel your body stretch from your feet to the crown of your head. Be present. Be sure. Be yourself.
- Open your body language – uncross everything – your arms and legs.
- Smile – even if it feels fake – do it until you feel alive.
- Make eye to eye contact – show others you care about them, that you are interested in what they have to say and who they are.
Mirror, mirror on the wall: practice looking at yourself. Don’t shy away. Look deeply in your own eyes. Practice smiling. Find a look that feels right to you, and practice a few minutes a day in front of the mirror, until you present that look quite naturally.
Attract women with confidence
There were no “pick up” lines suggested at the Dating Mastery Seminar that I attended last week.
Some time ago Stefan Pylarinos, the executive coach at Lifestyle Transformations (a dating service for men teaching them how to meet and interact with women in Vancouver) contacted me and asked if any of my clients could be interested in their service.
When I said that I would not recommend him unless I knew what they offered, he suggested that I ‘just come and see yourself.”
WOW… what an experience!
It took some courage to go and sit in a classroom with 15 guys, who came to learn about women and dating techniques. To my surprise I didn’t really need my courage – the attendees hardly noticed my presence.
They were busy learning how to develop the ‘core dominance and assertiveness’ that all women are looking for, how to be yourself with women, how to overcome fears and approach the opposite sex anytime anywhere, and how they could meet 100+ women in one night!
Have you ever watched a living room full of guys watching the Stanley cup playoffs – final game, and in overtime? The energy in the room was similar – I was in unfamiliar territory – watching the guys jumping out of their chairs, yelling and bouncing the ideas around.
What impressed me the most is, when they stated their philosophy, the first line that was listed was “adore and respect women.”
The presenter, Cheyenne Kamran, the author of their innovative content and teaching methods, puts the energy to 10 in the first few seconds after he entered the room. Right away he developed trust from the audience.
Knowing the laid back attitude of the West coast, I was surprised to see that dynamic atmosphere, the integrity and the high level of the professionalism that was offered.
Usually I am skeptical when I read the selling lines of the description to workshops. These guys however, delivered pretty much everything they predicted, even their promise to “skyrocket your confidence in a matter of seconds”. I saw it happen!
They didn’t waste time with group introductions; the training started right from the beginning, very interactive, with smart friendly humor. They taught useful information packed with great tips.
They addressed the principle issues – not just “how to get a date,” but an understanding and behaving from the the masculine core of a man.
For a shy guy with a fear of rejection and a dateless life, the goal is to have fun and enjoy meeting as many women as they wanted, before they settle down in a serious relationship with the right woman. I watched, while they learned how to do it.
I recommend the workshop to men wanting to develop their dating life with a goal to meet the woman who ends the search once and for all.
My dating coach clients bring lists of what they think they need to be happy. They think that they would be much happier if they had a spouse with money, a hot girlfriend or a Ferrari.
The truth is that if you are not happy where you are now, you wont’ be happy anywhere. You could be vacationing in the Cayman Islands, dining in a New York prestigious restaurant, or hiking the Appalachian Trail, but the insidious unhappiness will be your constant mind companion casting a gray shadow on your brightest moments.
Nobody and nothing can make you happy, if your happiness doesn’t come from inside.
A happy person is not a person who has everything – but the person who doesn’t need everything to make them happy. If we are looking for more fulfilled lives, the inner transformation must come first. It is the foundation for an overall change of any situation.
Single doesn’t mean sad
If you are single, you can develop a good life as a single. You have to find your missing pieces and create the best life for yourself. Happiness in your life is the basis for all great relationships. The ability to enjoy life is a forceful magnet for others who do the same.
You can’t find someone else to fill a gap in your personality
As a dating coach, I often hear my clients talk about how they “need” someone to help them
• Come out of their shell
• Get them to eat right
• Motivate them to exercise
• Travel the world
• Raise their children
These ideas sound romantic in some sense, as though needing someone else is a entryway to love. But love is about what you have to offer; what you bring to the table. You are responsible to learn how to eat right, find exercise partners, and spend quality time with your children. You become more interesting and a much better “catch” for someone when you have become the person you are looking to find.
Your soul mate will not appear in your void. You have to create that space, full of feelings, desires, dreams, that will be attractive to someone to join your full life. If you want to meet a complete person you have to become a complete person.
You have to get excited about yourself and your life.
When you feel congruency in your life you will attract someone else who shares that excitement for being alive. If you are happy with yourself first you will attract the right relationship.
John’s Search for a Soul mate
John lived to find his soul mate. Everyday an undercurrent of neediness permeated his activities. Although we discussed the requirements of personal development, John could not see himself happy BEFORE he found his dream girl. Over the three years we worked together, John’s love life was a fat zero. In fact, John’s dependency made him a RED FLAG to the available women in his world and he was at best ignored, and often shunned.
When John did have a date or two, the story always ended on the same note. Much to his misery, John was not able to see through his gray cloud to notice that his had become a void that sucked the energy right out of the room, and certainly out of any romantic notions.
Tips to Find Your Inner Happy
You have to surround yourself with things that you love and appreciate: enjoy a career that is meaningful to you; pursue your interests – maybe a sport, an art a musical talent, build great relationships with your friends, parents, kids and the most importantly with yourself.
Finding those “missing pieces” will help you to feel good about yourself and make your life fulfilled.
When you are radiant with loving energy and happiness, these vibes are felt and noticed and you will attract matching energy of happy people and great experiences. If you recall the moments in life when you felt most powerful, most vibrant, most alive, you will also find the best experiences and people that you have ever known. It comes from inner attraction – you are attracting what you are.
Exercise: remember 3 good things that you accomplished today and what skills did you use to make it happened. Do this every night before you go to bed (you can put sticky note where you would see it).
How do you meet new people? Through internet dating websites, through friends or relatives, at social mixers? All these ways have something in common – you both know why you are there – to meet another single.
This is my number one solution when clients ask me how to meet new people – do something somewhere you don’t usually do anything. Change it up!
Working as a dating coach I am always looking for new ways for people to meet. How about finding people with same interests as you and becoming FRIENDS FIRST?
The online community GetFriended has a different approach to meeting new people as it eliminates the dating factor by starting off as friends who are helping each other.
- Ever needed a helping hand with your gardening or electronics?
- Are you looking for somebody to go travel with? Of course, be especially careful with this kind of thing. You need to know a lot about someone in person before planning a trip.
- How about a new friend to do sport activities with?
Not all of us have the skills we need to do the things we want. The right friends can add knowledge, experience and richness to our lives. You can meet people with mutual interests at the new social network: GetFriended.
Just think about it as a party where you don’t know anyone. If you are too shy to approach people it can feel like agony. By eliminating the pressure to date someone and start off as friends, you will increase your chances of meeting the right person, and you will reduce the rate of being, yet again, disappointed from a date.
The GetFriended community was first introduced by the founder Galya Westler (also the director and founder of 2Galvanize Web Solutions) at a Meetup meeting that took place in the beginning of April at the new Keg in Yaletown. It was a party; great music, free appies, lots of great door prizes and a neat venue with some really cool people to mix and mingle and get to know. Approximately 90 people attended.
The very important feature of this site is a feedback system, where people who already used someone’s services or done some activities together can leave their honest opinion. This will make this online community a place where you can securely communicate and meet with people who have the same interests as you or offer help.
The community is just starting, but I believe that they have a big future. Friendship is a great place to start any relationship!
GetFriended.net is a free website. You can create a profile, search people with similar interests and read testimonials about them and communicate via chat and email. All of the features will be accessible for free for 3 months which after GetFriended.net will charge a small fee for “added value” features only such as feedback reports from other users, choosing personalized skins to profiles and more.
Whether you are single or not; new to the city or just looking to meet useful friends in Vancouver you might find them on their website.
There is no shortage of wonderful potential partners in the world for either women or men. So why are you still single? Your limiting believes about yourself often sabotages dating efforts.
In order to be who you think is more attractive and desirable; you may present yourself in ways that are not true to the real you. In a desire to be accepted you put on a mask, creating an illusion of who you are or how you prefer to be perceived.
Behind the Masks
The beginning of your new relationship is based on the chemistry and infatuation is in fact, between two masks, not the real authentic people. No wonder you get disappointed!
As the weeks go by, the unfortunate result occurs when one of the two or both parties, forgets to wear their mask. They answer the phone at work without the mask, or come to party having left the mask at home in the bedroom closet. No one can continue a façade for along. The cracks begin to weaken, and the inevitable is waiting: disappointment, anger, and sadness.
Best Foot in Front
It’s a normal desire to put our best foot forward – this is how we attract a mate – but if we put our foot too far – we will end up with a person who was attracted to a different person, not our authentic self. Is it any wonder why people so often don’t feel loved for “who they are”? Unless you trust enough to allow someone to know the real you, how can they ever love “the real you”?
When our behavior doesn’t come from authenticity, we act differently, attract the wrong people and make poor choices.
Catch and Carry
It is possible to catch and marry a millionaire. Is that what you truly want in your life? Will money bring you what you desire the most? Or did you want adventure, rich conversation, intimacy and maybe a family?
If you want to meet someone who will love you exactly as you are, you have to step up, be open about your goals, beliefs, dreams and flaws. Be who you are in shining color!
Practice with the simple things. If she says she likes reading, and you can glance over at her bookshelf and see she reads Shakespeare and Tolstoy, it’s probably best not to say, “Ya, I like reading too.” Tell her who you are: “Well, I like reading, but comics are more my thing.”
Tell the truth about you. Present yourself with confidence and positive energy, AND HONESTY. If he says he enjoys the outdoors, and you can see the photos of him atop mountains, fishing, and hiking in South America, don’t say, “me too. I can’t get enough of it,” when you know that all you like outdoors is to sit outside in the summer sun on your lawn chair and tan!
Be sure that you looking for a partner from an authentic place in yourself. Insist that the qualities you are looking for in a partner are based on your true wants and needs (common interests, the same life and relationship goals, values and compatibility, not based on your parents’ or society beliefs, past relationships or the latest advice from Cosmo).
Exercise: What is your reason for looking for a partner? Which of these statements are true?
• I will feel less lonely and happier
• I will get sex when I want it
• With a financial support my life will be fulfilled
• I will stop working and become a housewife
• The best way to forget about past relationship is to get into a new one
• I won’t feel ashamed and left out because all my friends are married
• It will improve my social position
• My biological clock is ticking, and it’s time to me to get married, have a family and kids
• I need mom/dad for my own kids
• I will have a companionship
• My family will stop to pressure me
List five your own most important reasons of why you are looking for a partner. Number them in order of priority.
Why I am still single?
Did you know the single population is now equal to married couples in North America? It’s a 50/50 split, and many singles would like to change the stats. Of course, there are lot of single people who are ‘not looking,” but most of us would like to be in a relationship.
If you are successful in your career, financially secure and take care of yourself, the question is inevitable –then “Why I am still single”?
We have a vast of services that aim to help us to find a special someone
• Thousands of dating websites to find your best match, based on faith, race or social status;
• Matchmaking services that offer personalized attention to our relationship needs;
• Speed dating events, that allow us to meet as many as 50 people within an hour;
• Relationship, dating and seduction coaches offering training ‘on the spot’;
• Numerous blogs on love and relationship issues, podcasts and TV shows.
We Live in A City Made for Dating
Vancouver is known for being a healthy city and we have a lot of options for outdoor sports and activities. It’s not hard to find people to share your interests. If you go to Meetup.com you will find hundreds of hiking, camping, or yoga MeetUp groups with like-minded people.
There is no lack of social events where you can meet people who share your passion for music or food or dancing.
So, it looks like we don’t have a problem with the number of singles available
Or the potential to meet them;
And we also have all these services that aim to help people to find each other.
The Billion Dollar Question
So how come there are so many people who are still single? Why it’s so hard to find that special person?
The dating services tell us about their ‘secret’ to meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right: that meeting that special person is all a numbers game.
Well of course, the chances of meeting that person decrease dramatically if you don’t go out and don’t surround yourself with like-minded people.
Do we really increase the odds of meeting “The One” by increasing the number of people we meet?
Meet the RIGHT People
Something is not working. Despite the opportunities, we have a society full of single people wishing they could find the right person. Perhaps there is more to the equation than a numbers game.
When I studied marketing for my business, they stressed how important it was to KNOW your customer before you ever had one. We wrote a profile, included a photo and described who was our customer; where they ate, what they drove, who they worked for. It was essential to know who our customer was so we could be clear and not spend our dollars marketing to who our customer WAS NOT.
You will be far more successful meeting the right person, if you clarify in your own mind, who is and who is not the right energy, or character or personality for you.
Here are a few exercises to help you determine your true partner:
Exercise #1 – Are you meeting the right people?
• List 5 most important qualities you are looking in a partner for (positive, understanding, shares my interests, has the same financial position, able to maintain intelligent conversation, etc.)
• Think of 5 people you have dated or had a relationship with and rate from 0 to 10 of how much they possessed these qualities
• Are you meeting the right people?
Exercise#2 – What are your dating patterns?
• Divide a sheet of paper into two columns. On the left side list 5 most important qualities you are looking in a partner for (positive, understanding, shares my interests, has the same financial position, able to maintain intelligent conversation, etc.)
• On the right side list 5 places where you meet new people (work, volunteering, bars, friends’ parties)
• Are you able to meet the type of person that you are looking for at those places?
Exercise #3 – Where do you meet people?
1. How do you meet new men/women? List at least 5 places where you meet them. Think back over a few month(s) for answers.
Places you meet new people
2. Think of the types of people you are meeting at those places. Are you attracted to these types of men/women?
3. Write down 5 places that you think would be ideal to meet a potential partner. It could be anywhere you want; nothing you list is wrong. If you would want to meet and talk to them at a bar, then write it down. If you want to meet them at a museum, then this would be one of your answers. Remember, think of a person who you have found to be attractive and try to recall where you’ve seen them.
Places where I want to meet a potential partner
4. Compare two lists. Are they different?
If you are serious about building a healthy, sensual, and satisfying relationship with someone, invest the time in yourself to do exercises, or read a book or two and apply new ideas to your thoughts and actions.
Many people have found love. I am one of them. You can do it too. Don’t give up – get ready!
In the bookstore reading random pages from the business books section you take moment to rest your eyes and give your neck a stretch when you see him. Now there is a man whom you would like to meet. Too bad the dramatic drop of a hankie is passé these days, for now is certainly the moment when you need a diversion, some excuse to start a conversation.
Even then, if you had his full attention, could you get your mouth to form the words?
Many men, educated and professional men, complain that their words are muttered in mumbles to themselves instead of with confidence and a calm assurance to the lovely woman of their attention.
Dates Need Conversation
It’ not just the first introduction that can make you sweat, many first dates are torment in action for those singles who have trouble speaking with people they don’t know very well.
The only way to conquer your sudden mute state is PRACTICE. There are a lot of places where you can practice your communication and public speaking skills. From taking drama courses at your nearest community centre to making a psychotherapist listen to your childhood issues every Friday afternoon. While some ways are theatrical and others quite costly, there is an alternative I recommend for your consideration: Toastmasters.
Attending a Toastmasters club , literally, changed my own world. As an only child and extreme introvert, I spend my childhood reading while my friends got together to play, and later on, to party. While they wore out their trendy new shoes, I was at the library keep the evening librarian company.
Never would I have imagined that I would facilitate workshops, give presentations to groups of people, write blogs, and of course have all these interesting, confident conversations with my dates. Did I mention I did all of this in a language I learned in my thirties?
Here is the beauty of Toastmasters: If you visit a few groups you will soon find 3 key treasures at Toastmasters:
1. The environment is supportive, usually fun loving, and non-judgmental. Every person is or was in your shoes and knows exactly how you feel about public speaking.
2. The exercises help you develop confidence whether you are speaking to one or 100 people
3. You are not forced to speak, but it doesn’t take long before you have a desire to talk. Watching other people conquer their fears is inspiring.
It’s easy to join but before you do, you can attend any Toastmasters club 2-3 times for free (don’t worry, you don’t have to speak!) One of my favorite clubs is VETC toastmasters club (Vancouver Entrepreneurs Toastmasters Club). I like their attitude, and business owners tend to challenge themselves to excel.
You must be an entrepreneur and have a business or intent to have a business, or be in a support industry to be accepted as a regular member at VETC.
Toastmasters are also a certain place to meet some great people! The VETC people have a great sense of humour and energy at each meeting. They have a lot of fun and you can enjoy it too, if you are willing to learn to TALK.
Networking is available afterwards and might be very valuable to your business, or your love life.
Beside your personal dating confidence, you will find yourself more assured at work. People who know how to ask for what they want usually get it. Toastmasters get’s my vote: Give yourself a chance to speak your heart and your mind.