When girls ask “should I or shouldn’t I to be the first to approach a guy,” the answer is always the same: It depends. Be prepared for all possible outcomes.
If you have built a friendship with a man, you have had time to learn his personality, his likes and dislikes. Your instincts will advise you if he is leaning your way at all. How does he respond to your kind overtures, your vulnerable moments, your personal history? Have you had those awkward moments when there felt like chemistry, but no one moved?
If you are waiting for him to read your hypothetical questions as a hint that you would like the relationship to move to the next level, don’t. Men simply don’t get the hint about most things, most of the time. Instead, you will need to find a way to make your move, in a fashion that feels right to you, or wait for him to “choose” you. (We don’t do that at Charisma Matters! )
Let’s be clear, there are basically two responses you will hear:
• “Yes, I would love to” – Job well done, congratulations!
• “Sorry, not interested” – you can laugh it off as though you were just kidding, or swallow his ‘no’ (he has his right to say ‘no’) and enjoy his friendship or vow to yourself to never see him again.
I told you, you have to be prepared for whatever outcome – that is self-empowering. That happens when you first Find Yourself.
If you are against approaching a guy altogether, but notice that they never approach you, I believe you can change that. If you create a warm, inviting environment and communicate with your eyes, voice, body and mood, many men will do just what you hope for, and approach you first.
This way everyone is happy – you didn’t lose face, and he gets to chase and win.
When it comes to make important decisions in life – buying a house, finding a good place to invest, finding a career path, even looking for a dentist – we do a lot of work. We call our friends, do online research, go to counselors or coaches. We want the best! We want someone with great skill, personality, history, and efficiency.
But when it comes to looking for our life-time partner,
we leave it to chance, or WAIT TO BE CHOSEN.
If you want to meet someone special, a person you like just the way they are, it will take some work on your part.
First, you must discover WHO you are really looking for. I call it my Ideal Match Script.
A long time ago, I dared to ask for what I wanted and developed my “ideal match script.” It took a few months to rewrite and polish it, until I was completely satisfied with it. Every sentence had to resonate with me. I asked questions for each quality I listed :
• Is it really important to me that my partner possesses this quality?
• What if he doesn’t, could I still be happy with him in my life?
It took time to make this list, but I had a really good time doing it. I can relate it to the feeling I have sitting in a good restaurant and ordering something from the menu. I anticipate from the time I order the delicious taste of that exact dish when it arrives. It is my order, and I will get what I order.
This is YOUR call. Think of making an order for a love partner. It can be so exciting!
Here is my own Ideal Match script excerpt:
He is an honest, straightforward guy with a positive attitude and a wonderful warm smile. He plays a musical instrument and often spends time in his studio. He likes to read and recommends good books to me. He likes to cook and makes dinner for both of us. He is rich enough to travel the world. He likes camping but comfort is one of his values. We grow together, we learn together. He loves and adores me.
My partner matches this script at 90% and during our time together he has changed a lot towards matching the last 10%. I live loved.
Your first homework assignment: Start thinking about what you really want. Don’t give the “pat” answers you imagine are expected of a woman your age, or a man with your education. Think about YOU, without self-imposed limitations. If you could have the person of your personal dreams, what would they be like?
Be prepared for many new editions before you finish. This is a process that takes some time and self awareness as well as honesty.
Dating Advice 101 – If you Find Yourself You Will Find the One
Little did they know that once they connected within themselves, finding the right person to compliment what was already “going on” inside, was much easier than they thought.
It’s the Attractor Factor
“Chemistry” between two individuals is often surprising. Although you will find it helpful to write down “who” you are looking to attract, when they arrive they often wear a different appearance or lifestyle than you may expect.
What draws you together is an intangible knowing, a wandering curiosity, a physical yearning. You may think you need a blond bombshell from California only to find out the redhead that works 3 streets east of your office is the dynamite to set you world on fire.
The actual search is over. You no longer need to hunt.
You are on a collision course with a person ready to love you and be loved by you.
Our job is to find out how to be so in tune with our own resonance, that the frequency is heard loud and clear by our lover, and they come running. Sometimes it takes patience though, your lover is being prepared – and things of the heart can take some time.
The Dating Coach,
Learn much more about how to Find Yourself and Find the One – Subscribe and receive new posts weekly. It’ easy just look for the Subscribe box in the upper right hand corner of this page.