Words are not that important
When it comes to making the first impression, our body speaks much louder than our words. It doesn’t really matter what we say during a conversation. The words form only 7 percent of your communication. The rest 93 percent are in our body language, tone of voice and our appearance.
If you are late, you are late. There are no ‘good’ excuses. This is when a first impression starts to be formed. Rarely are there are significant reasons for running late. Usually it’s traffic, or a bad time management. We all know that. Respect other’s people time. They might have a tight schedule and almost broke their neck to be in time.
Your physical appearance matters
We like to say that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but we always do. The truth is that no matter how kind, caring, loving person you are – nobody knows that yet! Your presentation begins to tell your story.
You don’t have to have look like James Bond or Julia Roberts (I am sure look different in a daily life anyways). But you have to look YOUR best. Study up on image & style, update your hair style and wardrobe. Help others want to open the book and learn more about you.
Make a routine: visit your hairstylist, keep a small mirror and a matching lipstick for women, clean and repair your shoes, check your wardrobe – are buttons missing, do you need alterations. Do you need your shirts ironed?
How about your teeth? Did you know that good teeth are in the top “must haves” of people’s checklist when they date? Sell your car, sell your soul, but keep your teeth looking great!
Your clothing communicates
Dress appropriately for an event. You can always find attire that will work for any occasion. Classics are a great choice when you are unsure. An image consultant can help you to find appropriate clothing for every occasion you have in your life, based on your age, body shape and personal preferences.
You don’t need to have the most expensive wardrobe but, your appearance should be clean and tidy. Sloppiness and messiness turns people off.
Attract women with confidence
There were no “pick up” lines suggested at the Dating Mastery Seminar that I attended last week.
Some time ago Stefan Pylarinos, the executive coach at Lifestyle Transformations (a dating service for men teaching them how to meet and interact with women in Vancouver) contacted me and asked if any of my clients could be interested in their service.
When I said that I would not recommend him unless I knew what they offered, he suggested that I ‘just come and see yourself.”
WOW… what an experience!
It took some courage to go and sit in a classroom with 15 guys, who came to learn about women and dating techniques. To my surprise I didn’t really need my courage – the attendees hardly noticed my presence.
They were busy learning how to develop the ‘core dominance and assertiveness’ that all women are looking for, how to be yourself with women, how to overcome fears and approach the opposite sex anytime anywhere, and how they could meet 100+ women in one night!
Have you ever watched a living room full of guys watching the Stanley cup playoffs – final game, and in overtime? The energy in the room was similar – I was in unfamiliar territory – watching the guys jumping out of their chairs, yelling and bouncing the ideas around.
What impressed me the most is, when they stated their philosophy, the first line that was listed was “adore and respect women.”
The presenter, Cheyenne Kamran, the author of their innovative content and teaching methods, puts the energy to 10 in the first few seconds after he entered the room. Right away he developed trust from the audience.
Knowing the laid back attitude of the West coast, I was surprised to see that dynamic atmosphere, the integrity and the high level of the professionalism that was offered.
Usually I am skeptical when I read the selling lines of the description to workshops. These guys however, delivered pretty much everything they predicted, even their promise to “skyrocket your confidence in a matter of seconds”. I saw it happen!
They didn’t waste time with group introductions; the training started right from the beginning, very interactive, with smart friendly humor. They taught useful information packed with great tips.
They addressed the principle issues – not just “how to get a date,” but an understanding and behaving from the the masculine core of a man.
For a shy guy with a fear of rejection and a dateless life, the goal is to have fun and enjoy meeting as many women as they wanted, before they settle down in a serious relationship with the right woman. I watched, while they learned how to do it.
I recommend the workshop to men wanting to develop their dating life with a goal to meet the woman who ends the search once and for all.
How do you meet new people? Through internet dating websites, through friends or relatives, at social mixers? All these ways have something in common – you both know why you are there – to meet another single.
This is my number one solution when clients ask me how to meet new people – do something somewhere you don’t usually do anything. Change it up!
Working as a dating coach I am always looking for new ways for people to meet. How about finding people with same interests as you and becoming FRIENDS FIRST?
The online community GetFriended has a different approach to meeting new people as it eliminates the dating factor by starting off as friends who are helping each other.
- Ever needed a helping hand with your gardening or electronics?
- Are you looking for somebody to go travel with? Of course, be especially careful with this kind of thing. You need to know a lot about someone in person before planning a trip.
- How about a new friend to do sport activities with?
Not all of us have the skills we need to do the things we want. The right friends can add knowledge, experience and richness to our lives. You can meet people with mutual interests at the new social network: GetFriended.
Just think about it as a party where you don’t know anyone. If you are too shy to approach people it can feel like agony. By eliminating the pressure to date someone and start off as friends, you will increase your chances of meeting the right person, and you will reduce the rate of being, yet again, disappointed from a date.
The GetFriended community was first introduced by the founder Galya Westler (also the director and founder of 2Galvanize Web Solutions) at a Meetup meeting that took place in the beginning of April at the new Keg in Yaletown. It was a party; great music, free appies, lots of great door prizes and a neat venue with some really cool people to mix and mingle and get to know. Approximately 90 people attended.
The very important feature of this site is a feedback system, where people who already used someone’s services or done some activities together can leave their honest opinion. This will make this online community a place where you can securely communicate and meet with people who have the same interests as you or offer help.
The community is just starting, but I believe that they have a big future. Friendship is a great place to start any relationship!
GetFriended.net is a free website. You can create a profile, search people with similar interests and read testimonials about them and communicate via chat and email. All of the features will be accessible for free for 3 months which after GetFriended.net will charge a small fee for “added value” features only such as feedback reports from other users, choosing personalized skins to profiles and more.
Whether you are single or not; new to the city or just looking to meet useful friends in Vancouver you might find them on their website.
In the bookstore reading random pages from the business books section you take moment to rest your eyes and give your neck a stretch when you see him. Now there is a man whom you would like to meet. Too bad the dramatic drop of a hankie is passé these days, for now is certainly the moment when you need a diversion, some excuse to start a conversation.
Even then, if you had his full attention, could you get your mouth to form the words?
Many men, educated and professional men, complain that their words are muttered in mumbles to themselves instead of with confidence and a calm assurance to the lovely woman of their attention.
Dates Need Conversation
It’ not just the first introduction that can make you sweat, many first dates are torment in action for those singles who have trouble speaking with people they don’t know very well.
The only way to conquer your sudden mute state is PRACTICE. There are a lot of places where you can practice your communication and public speaking skills. From taking drama courses at your nearest community centre to making a psychotherapist listen to your childhood issues every Friday afternoon. While some ways are theatrical and others quite costly, there is an alternative I recommend for your consideration: Toastmasters.
Attending a Toastmasters club , literally, changed my own world. As an only child and extreme introvert, I spend my childhood reading while my friends got together to play, and later on, to party. While they wore out their trendy new shoes, I was at the library keep the evening librarian company.
Never would I have imagined that I would facilitate workshops, give presentations to groups of people, write blogs, and of course have all these interesting, confident conversations with my dates. Did I mention I did all of this in a language I learned in my thirties?
Here is the beauty of Toastmasters: If you visit a few groups you will soon find 3 key treasures at Toastmasters:
1. The environment is supportive, usually fun loving, and non-judgmental. Every person is or was in your shoes and knows exactly how you feel about public speaking.
2. The exercises help you develop confidence whether you are speaking to one or 100 people
3. You are not forced to speak, but it doesn’t take long before you have a desire to talk. Watching other people conquer their fears is inspiring.
It’s easy to join but before you do, you can attend any Toastmasters club 2-3 times for free (don’t worry, you don’t have to speak!) One of my favorite clubs is VETC toastmasters club (Vancouver Entrepreneurs Toastmasters Club). I like their attitude, and business owners tend to challenge themselves to excel.
You must be an entrepreneur and have a business or intent to have a business, or be in a support industry to be accepted as a regular member at VETC.
Toastmasters are also a certain place to meet some great people! The VETC people have a great sense of humour and energy at each meeting. They have a lot of fun and you can enjoy it too, if you are willing to learn to TALK.
Networking is available afterwards and might be very valuable to your business, or your love life.
Beside your personal dating confidence, you will find yourself more assured at work. People who know how to ask for what they want usually get it. Toastmasters get’s my vote: Give yourself a chance to speak your heart and your mind.
Are you planning for a great date? Have you been waiting to go out with this guy for months and last week he finally noticed your friendly gestures? Okay, let’s make the best of it. The most important feature you have – over your hip size, breast size or the color of your skin – is your attractiveness. How attractive are you?
I didn’t say how pretty, how lovely, how well built you are, rather how attractive are you from the inside – out?
3 Keys to Attractiveness
How well do you stop thinking, and planning, wondering and daydreaming and literally talking in your head, and simply give full-on attention to and listen?
Men and women love to talk about their favourite subject; their life. It could be the job, hobbies, family, pet, travels etc..
Ask questions about what you begin to understand are important to him/her? For instance, if they suggest that work is really compromising their integrity, or exhausting them you could ask: “What is the payoff for you at your job? What do you enjoy that keeps you there? The key is to listen, and show true interest in the human being in front of you.
Remember, the person you are dating is first of all a valued person with experience and intelligence, who happens to be on a great date with you. Treat them like they are the only person, other than you, in the world for that hour or two.
Show ENTHUSIASM when you talk. Stay on the positive side. Leave your old dates, disappointments, ex- girlfriends or boyfriends out of the picture and talk about what makes you happy, fulfilled, challenged, encouraged, and what you look forward to in the future. (Not marriage!) Let your soul fill with your own excitement, and your eyes and voice and body language will tell you date a wonderful story while you speak.
Smile! In almost any situation a smile will take you a long way. It’s a must if you want to have great date.
Dates would like to be assured of your approval and acceptance. We all need approval. It’ a warm, positive message you’re sending them when you smile.
No amount of make-up, botox, or skin care can do what a SMILE can do for you.
Smiling is attractive and makes you irresistible. Men are attracted to smiling or laughing females, because they tend to see them as good natured, happy, and without problems the men are supposed to solve. Women like men who smile because it indicates warmth, a kindness and even strength that communicates the ability to solve problems and appreciate closeness.
If you fake a smile, force a smile, or generally smile with a thought behind the smile that is accusing or condemning it will show and telegraph to your date: “I don’t like you.”
So fill you mind with the respect and appreciation you have for life, and let it shine through your eyes right to your sassy lips. You never know, by the end of the evening, standing outside your door, it may pay off in spades!
If a Valentine Day always takes you by surprise, and tomorrow is Feb 14th, don’t panic, you can still pick up a perfect Valentine’s gift.
Don’t spend hours searching! I have 15 great picks sure to bring a valentines smile to anyone’s face.
Wherever you are –there is a store near you with a solution. I have listed them in Alphabetical order.
1. BLOCKBUSTER/ROGERS VIDEO has a selection of his or her favourite TV series.
2. CHAPTERS or AMAZON.COM: Look in the books on love and relationships, or love poems.
They also have big selection of interesting gifts.
3. HEALTH STORE or ESSENTS or SAGE: Pick up some Essential Oils and an oil burner. Rose or Jasmine is lovely, and they have some blends to stir up sensuous arousal.
4. HOME DEPOT has a section, far from the cashier, where you can buy an orchid or another living flower in a pot, wrapped and ready to present for Valentine’s Day.
5. GROCERY STORES usually sell flowers as well. Or buy the groceries, cook a dinner, light some candles, open the champagne – very romantic!
6. LIQUOR STORE. Good wine or champagne to celebrate this special day. (Better to bring a nice bottle of wine than a cheap champagne).
7. LONDON DRUGS/SHOPPERS DRUG MART has selection of chocolates and candies.
– Or go to the cosmetic counter and buy a gift card for brand cosmetics. If you have a good picture of you both, you can order them online and they will print photos for you. Regular photos take only a couple of hours to complete. They send you e-mail saying that your order is ready to pick up. Order them here. You can get a romantic card there too.
8. MICHAELS CRAFT STORE. She might appreciate artificial silk flowers. They are brighter, bigger and will last forever. Try they have huge selection of them. But take note, women who love fresh flowers tend to shy away from the artificial. If she loves to paint or craft some supplies in a lovely gift bag, (which you can buy there too!) will delight her senses. Check Michaels store website for locations.
9. PURDY’S CHOCOLATE SHOP /DEATH BY CHOCOLATE – of course chocolate or her favourite candy.
10. SAFEWAY has huge selection of different gift cards for various stores or gift certificates. Or buy bouquet of flowers or a bouquet of helium balloons. The flowers don’t have to be expensive. According to SmartMoney article “Valentine’s Day War of the Roses,” by Kelli B. Grant, you can also buy shorter-stemmed roses, roses of different colors or other flowers. If she really likes long stem roses, buy a single, long-stemmed rose, it’s a still romantic.
11. If you want to really surprise her with comfort, send her to SPA UTOPIA for a massage or pedicure or pedicure and manicure combination. She will enjoy a steam bath and free food to nibble on and wine to sip while she is pampered and made to feel like a queen. They have cards or you can call ahead if you are short on time and they will keep record until she comes in with the order as PAID.
12. TOYS’Я’ US.
A board game, if he likes them.
13. WINNERS, HOME SENSE, THE BAY, SEARS, ZELLERS, HAIR SALON, PURE NAIL BAR Gift certificates.
14. If you at home and you have COMPUTER with internet connection, you can buy gifts right away if they are in a digital format. You can download Apple iTunes music immediately to your e-mail.
15. You can make your own GIFT CERTIFICATE – for massage, grocery shopping, homemade dinner, etc. Anything what he or she was bugging you about for a long time but you never had it done. Make them happy!
You are a lucky one – you have someone you care about. Don’t let the day get away without showing it!
Business people know this secret.
Realtors practice this secret.
Smart dress shops and jewelry stores use this secret.
In fact, by using this secret in your dating life you will stand out from the crowd.
After your first date, find a lovely card – a paper one, and use the old-fashioned snail mail, and send it to your new friend. Tell them how wonderful it was and how you anticipate seeing them again. Keep it short and sweet. Don’t close with Love, George, but do be warm and friendly.
If you really want to knock her off her feet, don’t send the card after the date, send it before the next one. Tell her if this second (or fifth etc…) is anything like the first, you can’t wait for Saturday night to arrive.
Who wouldn’t get a lift in their day if they were reminded that a new dating partner is thinking of them, and enough of them to go to the trouble of choosing and sending a card.
E- Card versus Good Old Snail Mail
Everyone sends e-cards today and they don’t take much effort. Like the restaurant that goes out of their way to provide above average service, be the date that goes the extra mile.
So how do you get their mailing address? You can look them up on the internet, or the phone book, and if all else fails, tell them you would like to send them something and come right out and ask for it. If you find you do need to ask, I would wait until after a few dates so that you don’t scare them away with the threat of a “stalker.”
What Kind of Card to Buy
You can always buy a funny card that mentions something you two laughed about when you were together. Or if she loves cats, a cat card: if he digs trucks, a truck card. Just don’t buy an overly romantic card full of deep thoughts and overdone sentiment, at least not at the beginning.
It will be kind and thoughtful enough that you sent the card in the first place. One key point to CHARISMA – you don’t beg for attention. You just attract it.
What Other Reasons Could You Use to Send a Card?
Maybe you are not comfortable right off the bat to send a greeting card. No problem, wait for as long as you need to, but when you are ready here are some touch points you could use:
1. Congrats! On their job performance, their grade, a family accomplishment, the birth of their puppy.
2. Thanks! For the dinner, the meal you cooked, the smile you bring to my face, the way I feel when I think of you, etc…
3. Let’s Go – Suggest in a card different kinds of dates you are thinking of and ask them to return the postage paid envelope with their top picks, and any additional items they would like to suggest.
Since the days of the great poets writers have wooed their lovers with words that stirred and ignited the souls and passions of the other. You could start with, “Thanks for being wonderful you. Don’t change!”
Here is one place I tried to order the card for my Valentine: GreetQ.com I like the design of the cards, they are a bit feminine, but perfect if you send it to a woman. They ship to internationally. Cost about $4 including shipping.
Why do you do this every year? With Valentines around the corner, here you are waiting until the last minute, then rushing to the store to get her a usual set of chocolates in a heart shaped box and/or flowers for your last minute valentine gift. Of course, she will gracefully accept your standard gift but ~
Why don’t you try to do something different this time?
Something that she will remember for years, may be forever? Gifts don’t need to be expensive. Women give really high marks for the actual thought and effort a man put into the V-day (or any day) present.
Do your homework first
Snoop around and notice her tastes. Make mental notes of her priorities. What color does she favour? Does she enjoy a lot of photographs around her home, on her desk or wall? Where does she like to shop? What music does she listen to in her car or on her Nano? Does she like teckie gadgets? Are fresh flowers gracing her table? Use what you find to help you choose a romantic gift idea.
1. IF SHE LIKES TO HAVE PHOTOS. If you have a good picture of you both, London Drugs for instance can print photos for you. But you don’t need to print on paper – you can print a calendar, put your pictures on a mug, on a t-shirt, on a mouse pad, make a puzzle or buy her a Jewel Box with your picture on it. You can even order them online and pick it up later. Processing time depends on the product, and in my experience, regular photos take only a couple of hours to complete. They send you e-mail saying that your order is ready to pick up (a great idea if you have the time – not so good for the last minute gift idea)
2. IF SHE LIKES FLOWERS. Maybe she will appreciate artificial silk flowers? They are brighter, bigger and will last forever. Try Michaels craft store, they have huge selection of them. But take note, women who love fresh flowers tend to shy away from the artificial.
3. IF SHE IS INTO MOVIES. I was so happy to get a full set of ‘Friends’ TV series from my friend. He knew I watched it whenever it was on TV. What made it special is that he noticed and took initiative.If you like to plan ahead, get her a pass to Vancouver Film Festival, which takes place in Fall. Or can take her for an outdoor movie.
4. IF SHE LIKES TRYING NEW FOOD. Take her to a restaurant of international cuisine – Afghan, Russian, Balkan, etc. I would suggest a Google research on the menus.
5. IF SHE IS INTO MUSIC. Buy her a gift card for iTunes. Or get her season tickets for Vancouver Symphony Orchestra.
6. IF SHE LIKES HOME MADE GIFTS And you are a handy man, make a cutting board from a piece of wood (they have great selection in Home Depot); if you are an artist – write a poem or a song. You can find a selection online of Valentine day poems as a source for creative you.
7. IF SHE IS INTO SELF-HELP, find her favourite authors or buy tickets to a local event.
8. IF SHE IS INTO BOOKS. Besides Chapters Gift Card, you can take her to Banyen books, let her spend some time looking and buying and then go for coffee across the street.
9. IF YOU RAN OUT OF IDEAS Gift Cards or Gift Certificate are your best bet. My standard cards on my wish list on any Holiday are Winners, Home Sense, and The Bay. These stores have a great selection and wont’ restrict her in her choice. A Gift Certificate for any SPA a nail salon or a hair salon are great ideas too.
10. IF YOU STILL HAVE NO IDEA what she likes, buy anything for her house – a nice candle or coasters, bubble bath or nice soap (Lush has a great selection); anything for her works/studying ; anything for her living room. OF course, it’s a rare woman who will turn down chocolate.
Women like surprises! Let her discover flowers and a present at her bed in the morning, like Santa does on Christmas.
Make this a day you let down your guard and romance her like a princess. Who knows, you may love the feelings you feel and the light in her eyes.