Dating Coach Answers: What’s Missing in My Life?
My dating coach clients bring lists of what they think they need to be happy. They think that they would be much happier if they had a spouse with money, a hot girlfriend or a Ferrari.
The truth is that if you are not happy where you are now, you wont’ be happy anywhere. You could be vacationing in the Cayman Islands, dining in a New York prestigious restaurant, or hiking the Appalachian Trail, but the insidious unhappiness will be your constant mind companion casting a gray shadow on your brightest moments.
Nobody and nothing can make you happy, if your happiness doesn’t come from inside.
A happy person is not a person who has everything – but the person who doesn’t need everything to make them happy. If we are looking for more fulfilled lives, the inner transformation must come first. It is the foundation for an overall change of any situation.
Single doesn’t mean sad
If you are single, you can develop a good life as a single. You have to find your missing pieces and create the best life for yourself. Happiness in your life is the basis for all great relationships. The ability to enjoy life is a forceful magnet for others who do the same.
You can’t find someone else to fill a gap in your personality
As a dating coach, I often hear my clients talk about how they “need” someone to help them
• Come out of their shell
• Get them to eat right
• Motivate them to exercise
• Travel the world
• Raise their children
These ideas sound romantic in some sense, as though needing someone else is a entryway to love. But love is about what you have to offer; what you bring to the table. You are responsible to learn how to eat right, find exercise partners, and spend quality time with your children. You become more interesting and a much better “catch” for someone when you have become the person you are looking to find.
Your soul mate will not appear in your void. You have to create that space, full of feelings, desires, dreams, that will be attractive to someone to join your full life. If you want to meet a complete person you have to become a complete person.
You have to get excited about yourself and your life.
When you feel congruency in your life you will attract someone else who shares that excitement for being alive. If you are happy with yourself first you will attract the right relationship.
John’s Search for a Soul mate
John lived to find his soul mate. Everyday an undercurrent of neediness permeated his activities. Although we discussed the requirements of personal development, John could not see himself happy BEFORE he found his dream girl. Over the three years we worked together, John’s love life was a fat zero. In fact, John’s dependency made him a RED FLAG to the available women in his world and he was at best ignored, and often shunned.
When John did have a date or two, the story always ended on the same note. Much to his misery, John was not able to see through his gray cloud to notice that his had become a void that sucked the energy right out of the room, and certainly out of any romantic notions.
Tips to Find Your Inner Happy
You have to surround yourself with things that you love and appreciate: enjoy a career that is meaningful to you; pursue your interests – maybe a sport, an art a musical talent, build great relationships with your friends, parents, kids and the most importantly with yourself.
Finding those “missing pieces” will help you to feel good about yourself and make your life fulfilled.
When you are radiant with loving energy and happiness, these vibes are felt and noticed and you will attract matching energy of happy people and great experiences. If you recall the moments in life when you felt most powerful, most vibrant, most alive, you will also find the best experiences and people that you have ever known. It comes from inner attraction – you are attracting what you are.
Exercise: remember 3 good things that you accomplished today and what skills did you use to make it happened. Do this every night before you go to bed (you can put sticky note where you would see it).