Do People See the Real You on a Date?
There is no shortage of wonderful potential partners in the world for either women or men. So why are you still single? Your limiting believes about yourself often sabotages dating efforts.
In order to be who you think is more attractive and desirable; you may present yourself in ways that are not true to the real you. In a desire to be accepted you put on a mask, creating an illusion of who you are or how you prefer to be perceived.
Behind the Masks
The beginning of your new relationship is based on the chemistry and infatuation is in fact, between two masks, not the real authentic people. No wonder you get disappointed!
As the weeks go by, the unfortunate result occurs when one of the two or both parties, forgets to wear their mask. They answer the phone at work without the mask, or come to party having left the mask at home in the bedroom closet. No one can continue a façade for along. The cracks begin to weaken, and the inevitable is waiting: disappointment, anger, and sadness.
Best Foot in Front
It’s a normal desire to put our best foot forward – this is how we attract a mate – but if we put our foot too far – we will end up with a person who was attracted to a different person, not our authentic self. Is it any wonder why people so often don’t feel loved for “who they are”? Unless you trust enough to allow someone to know the real you, how can they ever love “the real you”?
When our behavior doesn’t come from authenticity, we act differently, attract the wrong people and make poor choices.
Catch and Carry
It is possible to catch and marry a millionaire. Is that what you truly want in your life? Will money bring you what you desire the most? Or did you want adventure, rich conversation, intimacy and maybe a family?
If you want to meet someone who will love you exactly as you are, you have to step up, be open about your goals, beliefs, dreams and flaws. Be who you are in shining color!
Practice with the simple things. If she says she likes reading, and you can glance over at her bookshelf and see she reads Shakespeare and Tolstoy, it’s probably best not to say, “Ya, I like reading too.” Tell her who you are: “Well, I like reading, but comics are more my thing.”
Tell the truth about you. Present yourself with confidence and positive energy, AND HONESTY. If he says he enjoys the outdoors, and you can see the photos of him atop mountains, fishing, and hiking in South America, don’t say, “me too. I can’t get enough of it,” when you know that all you like outdoors is to sit outside in the summer sun on your lawn chair and tan!
Be sure that you looking for a partner from an authentic place in yourself. Insist that the qualities you are looking for in a partner are based on your true wants and needs (common interests, the same life and relationship goals, values and compatibility, not based on your parents’ or society beliefs, past relationships or the latest advice from Cosmo).
Exercise: What is your reason for looking for a partner? Which of these statements are true?
• I will feel less lonely and happier
• I will get sex when I want it
• With a financial support my life will be fulfilled
• I will stop working and become a housewife
• The best way to forget about past relationship is to get into a new one
• I won’t feel ashamed and left out because all my friends are married
• It will improve my social position
• My biological clock is ticking, and it’s time to me to get married, have a family and kids
• I need mom/dad for my own kids
• I will have a companionship
• My family will stop to pressure me
List five your own most important reasons of why you are looking for a partner. Number them in order of priority.