Is Being a Single our New Reality?
According to a Canadian statistic, there are about one million single, separated, divorced and widowed people in Vancouver today. Why are we in this situation? Is being a single our new reality?
The trouble is, with most people we have neither the time nor the energy for traditional dating. We’re too busy to do a ‘Friday-night-movie-with-a-long-talk-over-a-dessert-in-the-nearest-cafe’. We are in a rush.
We often go to work early and come back late. We all know how to network and market our products. In other words, we are spending most of our waking hours trying to make a living and become successful. We are great at planning our perfect holiday and following a business plan but don’t have any strategy when it comes to dating.
Looking for a special someone resembles shopping and our date meetings look like job interviews. We have high expectations. Many singles do online shopping for a partner like we do shopping for bread and lose interest as soon as someone more interesting comes along. We create a long list of what we want in a partner before we create a list of what we can offer!
We don’t call when we promise to call. If people do respond to our online ads, we don’t email them back. And let’s face it: sex on a first date is just another test on compatibility, not a loving vulnerability and bond.
When it comes to making important decisions, either buying a house or investing, we entrust the experts, but when it comes to looking for a life partner, we cross our fingers and hope that our next date will be the One.
We are looking for the one we want to share our lives with – live with, sleep with. Your date may become the person with whom you will raise your children, build your financial security and bond in life long companionship.
Then why do we spend more time choosing a dentist, than choose our relationship? For a dentist we gather information, we spend a lot of time researching and learning who is a right fit for us, but we hope to find a perfect lifetime match by accident!
What are we thinking?
Exercise: How well do you know the qualities you are looking for in a partner?
Take time to make your own lists. First make a list of how well you know what you want in your partner. Use the descriptions below as a help only – ideas to help you formulate your thoughts. Then do the same for yourself. What qualities do you have to offer a potential partner?
- Wants to have children – Doesn’t want to have children
- Like deep long conversations – A person of a few words
- Likes to show his affection on public – Keeps it private
- Spontaneous and adventurous – Likes quiet settled life
- Spends time at museums and art galleries – Spends time hiking and kayaking
- Fun loving, easy to laugh, joking constantly – Serious, reserved and polite
- Wealthy – Has enough money to support the family
- Girly girl – Next door girl
- Lives nearby – Can live anywhere in the world
- Talkative extrovert – Thinking introvert
- Vivid, outgoing, fast paced person, full of energy and enthusiasm – Solid, thorough, well-grounded
- Ambitious and competitive – Laid back, easy-going person
- Loves sex and requires to have sex frequently – Doesn’t require it frequently
- Non smoker – Smoking is ok
- Non drinker – Drinks socially
- The same race or culture – Race or culture doesn’t matter
- In the beginning of his new career – Has an established career
- Near the same age – Can be much older or much younger
- Ready to start a family and looking for wife and the mother of his children – Ready for a committed relationship but not in a rush to start a family
- Strong, do-it-yourself man – Soft, sensitive, romantic, artistic
- Their voice is gentle and quiet – Loud, full of life
- Has a rich personal life and a lot of friends to spend time with or An outdoorsy person – Doesn’t have many friends and prefers to spend time at home
- What kind of clothes they prefer to wear: casual and comfortable – Stylish, in the last fashions
- Business-like – Ready for outdoors
- Where they would like to travel: camping or climbing local mountains – Educational traveling, Adventures, Hot beach resorts