Who Are You? Vancouver Dating Coach Explains how Authenticity Attracts True Love.
In Vancouver, dating is challenging enough. We have a large single population all looking or waiting to find just the right person for their companion and lover, while often hiding behind years of misdirected efforts to camouflage themselves with the latest and greatest beauty tricks, pop psychology and online personality tools in order to appear like a great catch. Authenticity is lacking, and love remains illusive.
Do you make efforts to present yourself differently, masking your flaws (or what you think are flaws) in order to be more attractive and desirable?
If you are pretending to be someone that you are not, then who is the real person your dating partner is getting to know and love?
If you pretend to possess qualities that you THINK are appropriate, dreams that you THINK fit with hers or his, preferences that make you dating partner smile and think, “wow, we have so much in common,” when in fact the real you is quite different, how will this relationship last?
Why would you expend this amount of energy to sustain a mask that in the end will bring both people heartache?
Loved Unconditionally Must Start with You
This behavior contradicts the common desire to meet a partner who will love you exactly as you are.
Being loved unconditionally first supposes that someone has a chance to love – the real you.
If you want to meet that person, the one with the capacity to cherish you for yourself, you have to be open and show your true self. Honest communication and open sharing about beliefs, your dreams, your goals, your weird habits and flaws, your preferences and opinions is essential. How can you attract Mr. or Mrs. Right – if you send out a fake calling card?
Someone will either love real you or they won’t.
You won’t be able to make someone to fall in love with a person you pretend and then show them your true self, thinking they will embrace the real you. You have built the relationship on deception, and it has no true foundation.
In order to keep that person “loving you”, you have to pretend all the time. It’s tiring and unfulfilling. And worse yet, you are not really loved.
Celebrate Your Uniqueness and Authenticity
Stop comparing yourself to other people. Someone will always be wiser, more successful, more focused, more hardworking, slimmer, more buff or beautiful. Our goal is not to be the best, (and that is completely relative in the first place) but to find our uniqueness and attract a partner who will love those qualities.
In fact what we see as liability, another person can see as an asset. Or what you think is your flaw, maybe exactly what someone is looking for in a partner. For instance, the kitchen might be not your area of expertise, but you might meet a man who loves to cook himself or prefers to eat out, or simply he values other qualities more, than ability to cook.
You might not be a high paid professional but someone will love your sense of style and how you manage your life on a calculated budget.
In order to be true to yourself you have to be comfortable with yourself. The first step in gaining confidence is to learn about yourself – taking the time to know yourself, date yourself – learn what makes you tick. As a dating coach, I notice people often know more about men or women on an online profile, than they do about their own preferences and aspirations.
You were born unique. There is a special something about you; your talents, intelligence, ability to forgive, caring attitude, inner beauty, creativity. These special qualities might be still hidden inside, waiting for you to discover.
You have to turn your focus inside and find your authentic self. And while you learn about yourself, it will become easier to forgive yourself for shortcomings, and accept yourself as who you are.
* You have to define your values and goals and understand what makes your life fulfilled
* Find your needs and motivations.
* Identify your beliefs and relationship patterns.
* Discover your skills and talents.
* Learn about your personality type.
* Define your strengths as a partner and weaknesses and see what changes should be made to improve your odds and to become a person that is similar to the one you would like to attract.
As a dating coach, I can help you to meet yourself before you meet the one. Join us for a workshop, a Meetup, or a sample coaching session. Find out for yourself the difference a new perspective can make.
Exercise: List 3 the most unique qualities you think you possess